Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
