her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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