Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
