Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
