nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
