Umm I'm too high to move.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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