So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
