dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
MIDGETS
????
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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