Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
