If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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