Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
