I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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