He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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