So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
