i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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