Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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