I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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