Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
