i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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