nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what day is it and did you see me today?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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