he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
