Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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