He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
