he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
