i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
