Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
