im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
