That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
