You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
