I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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