Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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