sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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