I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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