fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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