Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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