She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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