dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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