ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
