One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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