if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
