How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
