and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
