I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
