Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
