Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
