I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
