im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
