She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
