you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
