so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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