I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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