I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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