She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Who died my cat blue again?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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