Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
