We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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