The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
