Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hippo gnu deer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
