Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Randomize
