I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think your dad took our porno
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
