i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize