You're my little dorito
home. puking in laundry basket.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
