I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
