I am puke
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
