Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
