Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
