Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
