dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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