I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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