got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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