There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
