your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
