Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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