This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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