Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
