help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
