I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
