Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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