I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
