omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
