I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
