This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
